THE TRUE STORY OF K.B. KLITT INC.
Once upon a time, when things were much more sexy, a man
named Kildonro Birth Klitt had an idea. this idea was
that one day he would be the leader of a large
corporation that specialized in manufacturing high
quality sexual toys. He had always wanted to get
involved in the industry of sexy things, but this new
idea was far more potent than ever before. This time,
he was going to do it for sure.
He started off one day to the market to get ideas for his
new sex devices. He wandered around for a long while scanning
the isles with his young busty man eyes. he happened across the
produce section and he noticed the cucumbers. he said to himself
"Well I'll be a fucking jew-bitch! These would be perfect
sex toys! ill emulate their shape and size and I'll make hundreds
upon hundreds of yen, fucker!"
So Kildorno Birth Klitt purchased twenty-four thousand of these
"cucumbers" and took them back to his newly finished lab. This
lab was not just any lab, however. Not only did it have the
capabilities of producing high quality sexual toys in half
the time conventional toy manufacturers could, it could also
make a fucking good ham. And thats just what Kildorno did.
After eating his fucking good ham, Kildorno sat down and examined
the cucumbers closely. he noted their size, shape, texture, and
dykeishness. He conducted extensive experiments on them involving
two balls of yams and one midget. He used the dykeotron on them.
he made steel plated enema biskitz and placed them on the cucumbers.
he did this for weeks and weeks untill he could not learn anything more
about them. By now he knew exactly how many cucumbers it takes
to fill up an elephant's breast cavity, what sort of noise is made
when a cucumber is applied to a certain "spic-dyke," and what kind of
floss he should use next time he eats a fucking good ham.
With this new knowledge blooming in his mind, he packed up his
lab and took a mule ride from the rural town in south dakota
(AnalBreasts, respectively) to a small suburb just out side GayElfVille
(now known as "Miami"). On his mule ride, he met another young scientist
named Professor Dildozer. Professor Dildozer was stunned that Kildorno had
such an interest in sex toys so he beat the fuck out of him and stole his shit.
Kildorno was left on the street corner with no mule, no lab, no cucumbers, and
no clothes.
what a fucking kike@#$
Kildorno collected his nakedness and wandered around GayElfVille and searched
for clothing or some sort of clothing substitute. He was dirty and smelled
of rancid dyke oil. The moon was setting so he needed to get dyking quickly
so that he could find a place to live the next day. He missed his mule and
the fruits of its anal. He missed his lab. And most of all, he missed his
cucumbers.
After covering himself in paste and then rolling in a pile of driveway gravel,
he was decent enough to journey out into this new town and interact with
the other
humans. He walked down nig street and noted the aroma of spagetti, smoke,
and
dykes. He heard the cries of the now confined-to-boxes Lesbian Bats. He
watched
the Anal-Whales walk on the land and feed on the tiny Elk that also lived
there.
He also watched the elfs. Untill this point, he did not know that GayElf
Ville
actually had Elfs in it. Not only were there elfs, there were nothing but elfs.
and they were all gay. "Fucking nigger spic-kike jew!" he said as he realized this
"Where the fuck am i going to get freaky?"
After walking for a long time, the glue began to melt off of him, thus making him
naked once again. The Elfs laughed and at the same time were in awe of his large
genitalia. He didnt care and walked on. He happened upon a small establishment
known
as the "Fun Happy Fort For Non-Elfs." he walked in and asked for a room. they said
yes and gave him a small key which was really a piece of tofu sculpted to
fit a
lock on a door. his door. fuckers. eat my fucking shit.
he walked up to his room and opened the door. he walked in and was startled
to see a prostitute sitting
in there. he lept on her and they got "freaky." after they got freaky,
she said "i've got
all the diseases. im a regular whore-bag. and now you are going to die."
he said "fucking slut" and
kicked her out of the room. He was sad. all he wanted was to have a buis
ness making sexy toys.
the next day, Kildorno went out and applied for a job at a small rubber f
actory on the edge of town.
it was called "Rubber Co." and he said "fuck" and went in. the next day h
e was informed that he
had a job working the "mold" machine. so he went in.
After three months of working there, he knew the ropes like a motherfucke
r. he knew how to make
the rubber thing shoot different colors of rubber. he knew how to sculpt
the shit up bad-ass like. He
was fucking awsome. He got a raise from twenty yen an hour to fifty-five
yen an hour. he was mackin'
each week, he took his paycheck and put it into his matress. he didnt spe
nd any of it on clothes or food;
he simply wore the same brown sweater and blue slacks every day and he at
e out of the dumpster.
he loved the way his life had developed.
One day, he got an idea. He went to work as usual, but this time, he bro
ught home something else with his paycheck.
it was a mold in the shape of a cylander. he carved it with a dyke-stick
he had found earlier that day and eventually
got it to look very much like a mold for a cucumber; this would be his se
x toy mold.
the next day at work he put rubber in it. he set it aside from the rest a
nd went about his buisness. at night he took it home.
he took it out of the mold. it was perfect. it was a rubber cucumber, ess
entially, except it was smoother and squishier.
now that he had it, he needed to test it, so he went to the corner and bo
ught a prostitute. He took her up to his room and stuck it into
her vagina. she said it was neat and then he threw her out the window. he
was happy. all the elfs around him would soon be using these devices.
every day after that, he would make one cucumber. after he had 20,000, he
took the entire stack to a packaging plant and asked if he could get the
m packaged.
he took his many paychecks along with him so that money would not be an i
ssue and he fucked up the shit. the guy there said "sure we'll package y
our shit you nigger,
but you gotta think of a fuckin' name you oat holer" so Kildormo thought
and thought. He saw a box on the ground for crackers which were called "D
ildo's Famous Crackers N' Shit."
"Dildo!#$@" he exclaimed "Call them Dildoes! you fucking jew!"
And so they did. After they were finished, he quit his job at Rubber Co.
and bought a small warehouse. He built a big sign that read "Now Hiring
."
After three days, he had over twenty factory workers, twelve assistants,
and two official gay steel workers. they were all elfs.
they always asked to see his penis. he politely said no and then whipped
them and took away half of their 2 yen-a-day paycheck. he was a slavedriv
er, indeed,
but this would be his ticket to success. he also fucked rabbits.
Eventually, K.B. Klitt Inc. bought out Rubber Co. and renamed it Dildo Ru
bber Co. Kildormo thought it'd be good to be specific since Rubber Co. ha
d recently converted
to making nothing but dildo rubber. K.B. Klitt was suddenly a household
name and everyone owned a Dildo. He developed a motto which consisted of
"A Dildo family is a Happy family."
There was Big Man Dildo for mom, Inverted Dildo for dad, and Lil' Tyke an
d Big Sis' Dildoes for the kids. Everyone was Dildo crazy. He was such
a fucking bad ass motherfucker.
After years of staying on top and beating in competitors heads with a fuc
king tennis racket, Kildormo began to go insane. He had all the sexy lit
tle Elfs he could ever want, he
had a fucking huge mansion, twenty-five cars, a barge, and the biggest fr
ee-standing dildo in history. This glamorous lifestyle was getting to hi
s little dyke self and he could no longer take it.
he blew his fucking brains out one night and the dog licked them up. holy
negro and a half, what a jew@#!
K.B. Klitt Inc. was then bought out by General Mills and the massive dild
o factories were converted
to Cheerios and Lucky Charms factories and shit like that. All the dildo
es eventually broke, and the competitors took over the market.
Today, no one knows of the name "K.B. Klitt" except for a few of the old
timers. The few who were privelaged enough to stick genuine K.B. Klitt ru
bber up their vaginas.
$#@&*(&@$(*&@$#(*$&@#(*$&@#(*$&@#(*$&@#*&(!@#^*&(#!@^&%^&%!#
Copywrite 1937 FinalDyke Industries, Inc. Printed by MMMWOP! publishi
ng company, New York. Furnished by Jimmy Jew and the FinalDyke Five.
Jesus Christ will strike your fucking ass down if you so much as think a
bout stealing this material from us. with that said, go fuck your grandmother.